Written by Ashleigh Brown
“Destine, your mom said it’s time to go!”
“She’s not my mom. She’s my best friend!”
Children have an adorable and hilarious way of explaining things. They are honest, discerning and know just what to say to let adults know we are doing something right. I have been with my partner, Curtis, for almost 4 years now. When I met him his son Destine was approaching Kindergarten and very much so attached to his father’s hip. When I met Curtis I knew he had a son and would always admire the light that glistened in his eyes when he spoke about how proud he was of Destine over the smallest things.
Like learning a new word, drawing a picture of an animal or discovering a new knock-knock joke that would make him double over with laughter. I had never dated a man with a child before yet I wasn’t opposed to the idea. We got along extremely well and built a solid friendship so I always knew eventually building a bond with Destine would be inevitable and mandatory. I did however, want to ensure Destine and I genuinely and organically built a bond because as I stated before and I know many adults can attest to the fact that children have a strong sense of discernment and can sense when someone is being fake. So the three of us just started off having fun together. We went to parks, museums, took trips and stayed in on Friday nights baking cookies and watching movies. Over time Destine and I got to know one another.
We started to become more attached to each other and confide in one another just like, BEST FRIENDS. Although I do not have children of my own YET I have an immense respect for mothers and the sacrifices they make for their children every day. Women sacrifice their bodies, free time and personal space to accommodate a tiny human being they fall in love with before they even enter this world. The act of childbirth itself is a marvelous wonder; an admirable and powerful act that I still can’t even believe women are capable of achieving. I truly feel Destine is preparing me for motherhood. He has taught me patience and how to truly put another human being before myself.
I have always been a very giving person yet Destine has taught me to be selfless. Both his mother and father have done a great job raising him to be courteous, genuine and provide him the tools any child would need to succeed. Curtis and I plan to expand our family in the next few years and we are both adamant about always wanting Destine to feel he is important to both of us regardless of how many children we have. When we have children he will not be referred to as a half sibling or step brother because in my personal opinion that diminishes the relationship. We will all be ONE family and still make time for him individually.
That day at the park when Destine called me his best friend made me feel so good inside. His statement was confirmation that his father and I have created a world for him where he knows the dynamic of our family and is comfortable with our friendship. I understand my role as a bonus mom without overstepping boundaries and having fun with this amazing family we have all created.