Written By Majidah Muhammad
I’ve been reminded that Motherhood is tough, but so are you. That has been my theme for the past 5 years since becoming a mother. My journey to motherhood started way before I physically became a mother. I was a mother to my dolls, to the children I constantly babysat and I thought I was my brothers’ mother too, with my bossy attitude. I just knew I was born to be a mother.
Fast forward a few years when I took a pregnancy test and unexpectedly found out I’d be a mother much sooner than I planned. I was scared and filled with shame because I wasn’t married yet. I soon realized that my village was strong and would support me through the process of marriage into motherhood.
I just knew that all my years of babysitting and teaching would prepare me to be a mother. Not at all. Nothing could have truly prepared me for the sleepless nights, the constant breastfeeding, the distant it created in my marriage and the many, many messes I have to clean up. The biggest adjustment for me was feeling like I was losing friends who distanced themselves from me and my new life. My “keep it moving and it’ll all work out” attitude, didn’t leave room for my to stop and process my feelings in the moment.
The joys of having a newborn soon wore off and the real life of raising a toddler became the topic of many of my conversations with my husband. As we moved through day to day life, a wedge started to form the more we argued about how our son should be raised. Sadly our son became a source of tension between us. With patience, prayer, reading books, becoming better communicators and understanding each other’s perspective, we have become better parents and spouses.
Growing up, I was blind to the difficult parts of motherhood. My mom made raising five children look easy. I never heard her complain and she seemed to always have things together. She was a constant reminder for me that motherhood is tough, but so are you. Because that was all I knew, I took in that same, get it done and don’t complain attitude. After baby #2, I began to a surround myself with other moms more and it has helped me realize;
- I don’t have it all together. No one does & that’s okay.
- Delegate tasks and ask for help.
- Create a space & routine to take care of myself mentally.
Motherhood has also taught me a lot of patience; patience for my husband, patience for my children and most importantly patience for myself. My children are incredible mirrors for me and I learn so much from them daily. In the love I feel for my children, I’m reminded of the patient love of God. It is never-ending. It is steadfast. It seeks my good, even when I’m impatient and feel undeserving. My children have taught me to love myself more.