Not In My Arms, But Always In My Heart…

Written By Victoria Sharpe

Dear Diary,

Babies lost in the womb were never touched by fear. They were never cold, never hungry, never alone and importantly always knew love.

The moment I discovered I was pregnant, I knew that I would love and protect my child at all cost. I knew that I would give my all to ensure that my son had all that he needed, I knew I would aim to exemplify all the great qualities that my mother possessed to be at least half the mother that she is. What I didn’t know was that a few months later, I would say hello and goodbye all in one breath while laying eyes on my son for the very first and last time.

“His heart stopped beating 48 hours ago.” The doctor said with much sorrow. What was only supposed to be a checkup turned into one of the worst days of my life. Immediately, I began praying for divine intervention, I needed a miracle and I needed it fast. I prayed that God would breathe life into my womb once again and shock the doctors who only believed in science and that He would rewrite what was already written for me. However, Thy will was already done. I was to push my lifeless son out of me the very next day.

That day and every day after, I encouraged myself by reciting two of my favorite scriptures.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future and “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding.”  I didn’t understand God’s plan yet I trusted him. I had no choice or I would have driven myself crazy with thoughts of unworthiness, shame, and bitterness. Through the pain of losing my son, I’ve learned that…

  • What God has for me is for me.
  • God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.
  • Trust the journey.

Through it all, I wear the title as an Angel Mother with love, strength, and joy. In case you’re wondering, an Angel Mother is a mother whose womb held life and life in the womb ended either inside or outside the womb. An Angel Mother is a woman with incredible strength, who at times don’t see how strong she really is. An Angel Mother carries her baby in heart, not in her arm’s.

This Article Has 1 Comment
  1. Majidah says:

    Excellent read ❤️ & powerful testimony.

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